Comments From My Parents Upon Hearing That My OB Says Not Much Is Going On Down There Yet

From my father: "I guess your kid is as lazy as you are."

A related aside. Several years ago I went to a spa. I was feeling bored and a bit, shall we say, stuffed up in assorted areas, so I got a colonic. The woman conducting the colonic informed me that I had almost no peristalsis going on in my colon. Which is to say, one's colon is supposed to contract and release and move things along involuntarily for you, and mine was mostly just hanging around being bored and not caring if it moved things along or not. When I told Steven about my colon (ahh, marriage) he said, "Wow, even your involuntary actions are lazy."

From my mother: "Oh well. Good for me, though because my money is on November 3." She then asked what i was going to be doing the next day.

"Not much," I said. "Just sitting around being frustrated with my cervix."

My cervix, a part of my body which I wasn't even aware existed until nine months ago, is now about to become the focal point of my daily life. I will wake up each morning wondering what's going on with it. Is it happy? Soft? Feeling like opening up and squeezing out a baby? If not, what would make it feeling like opening? A bath? Should I yell at it? Whisper reassuring sentiments? (You are a good cervix, yes you are. And I know that you can do it! You can!)

Since I already routinely talk to the cat and the in-utero baby, adding one more thing that doesn't talk back to my list doesn't seem all that far-fetched. As long as I stop talking to my cervix once the baby arrives. Because talking to a regular, non-pregnant cervix, now THAT would be weird.