The Growing Season

So in general if you are female and young(ish), when the weather warms up strange men begin to yell things to you on the street. I'd forgotten this, because last spring and summer what strange men were yelling at me, if anything, was "it's a boy!" or "hello Mama". Yesterday I took the afternoon off, if you can classify running around midtown doing assorted errands as "off", and en route to the subway a truck honked at me and someone yelled "lookin' good" out the window. I stared at the truck thinking, me? Really? But I'm, like, someone's mom.

I was equally stunned when I went out with a few friends for dinner about a month ago and someone tried to pick me up. The best part was that his opening line was, "Are you from New Jersey?". I wasn't sure if it was because I no longer look like a Manhattanite or because he just assumed that everyone was from New Jersey. He, I should add, was clearly from New Jersey. He was also, like, fifty, and in town to see the Allman Brothers. He told me this information and then looked at me as though I might say, "Who are the Allman Brothers?"

"Oh yeah, I saw them a few years ago," I said instead. I didn't add that it was more like a million years ago, back before Steven, before Milo, on a date, in fact. I didn't say, wait, was that really me? I didn't say that it was so long ago that I might have been wearing black jeans to the concert. Or maybe that was a different date.

I'm not sure what I expected the guy to say next, except that it certainly wasn't what he did say, which was, "Do you know where we can buy some weed?"

I had to restrain myself from falling on the floor in hysterics. Well, no, I don't know where you can buy weed. I know where you can buy discount diapers. I know where you can buy replacement parts for your breast pump. I know how to get to Costco.

"I think you think I'm much younger than I am," I said. It occurred to me that he thought I was an NYU student, since we were right near NYU. And then I excused myself and made my way back to my friends. I couldn't believe they thought I might know where they could get weed. I'd never been more flattered.