Is Nine Months Too Young for Military School?

Dear Milo:

It has come to our attention that we have a slight problem with your behavior. Specifically, your desire to not only make eye contact but also wave at every single person you see on the street. If said person hangs around long enough or makes the mistake of smiling at you, you are instantly transfixed, and begin doing what can only be described as flirting. Which is all well and good, except for the fact that this means that whomever is pushing you in your stroller (usually one parent or both) is obliged to then make conversation with the object of your affection.

Milo, your parents have worked long and hard to create lives for themselves that do not under any circumstances involve making eye contact with strangers on the street, let alone making polite conversation with them, which inevitably leads to awkward pauses and the general feeling that it was a bad idea to leave the house today. As a result, we demand that you immeditealy cease and desist your obscenely friendly behavior. Failure to do so may result in the abrupt termination of any further stroller-related activity.

Consider yourself warned.

Sincerely,

The Management