Helpful Tips for the Insane

I have been watching far more television of late than I should be, but the up side is that it gives me the ability to comment on things like the following. There was a segment on one of the talk shows the other day entitled "Tips for Moms." One of the tips was a timesaving tip, so I listened up eagerly. I'm always game to save some time. The tip? Fill your coffee filters the night before and stack them in the freezer, so instead of measuring out the coffee every morning you can just take the filter from the freezer and pop it into the coffee maker.

Can you imagine the amount of time you can save with this idea? I've already written a three volume manuscript on the history of coffee with the time I've saved. I mean, we're talking literally two seconds a day of saved time, time you used to spend lboriously measuring out two tablespoons of coffee! Genius!

Of course, the segment also had some suggestions for what moms could do with all their saved time. First, they could use cookie cutters shaped like hearts to cut white bread to make their kid's sandwiches. Second, they could create color-themed lunches. Like: a red apple, a red juice box, red potato chips and a red sandwich (I guess?). Now, I don't know about anyone else, but I packed my own lunch for school. Maybe there were some early days there when my mother packed it, but I'm positive I made it myself by the time I was in fifth grade, because I remember eating a lunch that consisted entirely of a can of olives. And that is my plan for Milo too. Believe me, if he could pack his own lunch now I would let him. (Cheerios and the remote control for lunch? Sure!).

I'm pretty sure that these Mom Tips are at the root of all our problems in society. I just don't have the time to work out how.