A Quick List of What Will Happen When You Bring A 13-Month-Old On A Plane
1. Within 15 minutes of getting on the plane he will take a dump.
2. By the end of the flight you will be covered in milk/Diet Coke/drool.
3. He will smash the seatback tray onto his head/snap his fingers in the seatbelt/slam the window shade on your fingers.
4. He will lose one or both of his shoes.
5. Midway through the flight your spouse will point out the dried applesauce/piece of cheese/brown smudge that has attached itself to your sleeve.
6. The 13-month-old will insist, twenty minutes into the flight, on walking up and down the aisle and saying hello to every single person on the plane.
7. Half an hour before landing he will turn beet red and launch himself across the width of the plane while shrieking.
8. The flight crew will be forced to suggest to you that perhaps letting him play with the emergency exit door is not wise.
9. He will drink all his milk and cry for more. When he receives said milk he will indicate that what he really wants is your seltzer. When, after taking a sip of seltzer, he discovers he hates it, he will indicate that what he really wants is to bang his head against the window. When he discovers that hurts, he will indicate what he really wants is to be OFF THIS MOTHERFUCKING PLANE. (See number 7.)
10. After you have spent an entire day trying to please and placate him, the 13-month-old will see Hillary Clinton on television and call her "Mama".
2. By the end of the flight you will be covered in milk/Diet Coke/drool.
3. He will smash the seatback tray onto his head/snap his fingers in the seatbelt/slam the window shade on your fingers.
4. He will lose one or both of his shoes.
5. Midway through the flight your spouse will point out the dried applesauce/piece of cheese/brown smudge that has attached itself to your sleeve.
6. The 13-month-old will insist, twenty minutes into the flight, on walking up and down the aisle and saying hello to every single person on the plane.
7. Half an hour before landing he will turn beet red and launch himself across the width of the plane while shrieking.
8. The flight crew will be forced to suggest to you that perhaps letting him play with the emergency exit door is not wise.
9. He will drink all his milk and cry for more. When he receives said milk he will indicate that what he really wants is your seltzer. When, after taking a sip of seltzer, he discovers he hates it, he will indicate that what he really wants is to bang his head against the window. When he discovers that hurts, he will indicate what he really wants is to be OFF THIS MOTHERFUCKING PLANE. (See number 7.)
10. After you have spent an entire day trying to please and placate him, the 13-month-old will see Hillary Clinton on television and call her "Mama".
posted by Hana @ 10:23 AM
2 Comments:
At December 22, 2006 11:39 AM ,
Roger said...
I am sure that three hours on the plane with the prince of all children was annoying, but consider that the picture on my wall of my father and his sister at ages 2 and 4 was taken in Lodz, Poland. My grandmother traveled by herself (steerage on a boat) to Germany, then took a train to see her parents in Russia and then another train to Poland to see the in laws she had never met. (My great grandmother probably requested that picture because she knew she would never see her grandchildren again.) My grandmother then went home. Oh, by the way - that WAS her vacation.
At December 26, 2006 2:27 PM ,
Meredith said...
Ha! At least you had your spouse with you. I just got back from taking both of my girls on their first plane trip by myself.
(By the way, don't you love it when you tell a story and the responses you get are "well my experience was worse..."?)
Hope the trip was worth it. Sorry about Hillary. Happy Holidays.
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