Mama, I Hold These Truths To Be Self-Evident

The world according to Milo, if he could articulate as much:

1. All adults are always carrying hot cups of coffee.

2. All doors that are open must be closed. All doors that are closed must be opened.

3. Sweaters suck.

4. Socks and shoes are awesome.

5. All stuffed animals and dolls are Elmo.

6. Blue is yellow. Red and green are also yellow.

7. If only I could have a regular-sized mop my life would be complete. Also I would like unrestricted access to the toilet, and I should be allowed to throw things into it. Oh, and while we're at it, I want my own pair of scissors.

8. The cat likes it when I jump on him and grind my face into his fur.

9. My parents are primarily around to bring me milk. Milk should appear within no less than twenty seconds after I request it.

10. No car ride should be longer than 5 minutes. If I am forced to sit in the car for longer than that, I am entirely within my rights to begin screaming.