Adult Interpretations of Popular Children's Literature

1. Curious George
A tall, malnourished guy with a penchant for dressing in yellow steals a monkey, then neglects him, resulting in the monkey being taken to prison. In a desperate attempt to return to Africa the monkey escapes from prison, only to be deposited in a zoo where there are no other monkeys. Then everyone gets balloons.

2. Green Eggs and Ham
Sam I Am tortures the narrator with tainted ham and eggs.

3. The Little Engine Who Could
A train, overburdened with toys and spinach, breaks down on the tracks. A creepy clown comandeers another engine in order to bring the boys and girls on the other side of the mountain the toys and spinach. The little engine doesn't think she can make it up the mountian, but it turns out she can. Spinach for all!

4. Paddington Bear
A stuffed bear lives in a suitcase for a month, subsisting on marmalade and, presumably, drinking his own urine. He arrives in London and is promptly taken to tea by the Brown family.

5. The Cat in the Hat
A be-hatted cat, possibly fueled by a methamphetamine-induced mania, storms into a house and tries to balance a fish and a cake on his hat. When, predictably, this does not end well, the fish complains. Then the cat cleans up and leaves.

6. Blueberries for Sal
Sal's mother does not notice when her child disappears and she is stalked by a blueberry-crazed bear. Oddly, no one calls child protective services. Instead, Sal and her mother are reunited after Sal miraculously escapes being eaten by a different bear. Then they go home and can blueberries, despite the fact that Sal is something like 3-years-old and probably shouldn't be that close to boiling water.