Fun With Toddlers
Bored by the midsummer heat? Trapped inside with nothing to do? Here's a fun idea: spend a day at the airport! First, and this step is crucial, be sure to plan your trip to coincide with the worst flash flood in the history of your nearest major metropolitan area. Then get in the car and drive for five hours, preferably with a toddler who yells "More diggers!" for the bulk of the trip.
Three hours into your drive, pull over for coffee. Allow toddler to run around in the diner and do somersaults because you have ceased to care what the general public thinks. Smile as toddler dances and shimmies to "Oh What A Night."
Get back in car, arrive at airport two hours later. Entertain toddler by riding up and down the moving walkways. Best if when disembarking from moving walkway toddler consistently yells "Again!", whips around and attempts to get back on the moving walkway in the wrong direction.
Seven hours into your trip, have lunch on floor of airport. Call it a "picnic." Give toddler chocolate covered biscotti and tell him to lick off the frosting. This will entertain him for approximately 37 minutes, during which he will hilariously try to pronounce biscotti multiple times. Upon completion of the chocolate-frosting-licking task, toddler will then hilariously attempt to touch other travellers with chocolate-frosting-covered hands. They will not be amused.
Smile as toddler begins walking around the gate showing his belly button to strangers. Note that toddler stinks to high heaven but discover that there is physically no way to take both him and all the luggage to the bathroom by yourself. Wonder what happened to spouse and how long he has been gone.
When spouse returns with information that indicates you will not actually be leaving the airport today or any time int he near future, decide to change toddler's diaper in the middle of a crowded gate area because, again, you have ceased to care. Best if toddler yells "PENIS PENIS PENIS" at top of lungs while having diaper changed.
Go home. This should take approximately 20 minutes now that flooding is over. Put toddler to bed. He will probably give you a smile that indicates this has been the BEST DAY EVER.
Three hours into your drive, pull over for coffee. Allow toddler to run around in the diner and do somersaults because you have ceased to care what the general public thinks. Smile as toddler dances and shimmies to "Oh What A Night."
Get back in car, arrive at airport two hours later. Entertain toddler by riding up and down the moving walkways. Best if when disembarking from moving walkway toddler consistently yells "Again!", whips around and attempts to get back on the moving walkway in the wrong direction.
Seven hours into your trip, have lunch on floor of airport. Call it a "picnic." Give toddler chocolate covered biscotti and tell him to lick off the frosting. This will entertain him for approximately 37 minutes, during which he will hilariously try to pronounce biscotti multiple times. Upon completion of the chocolate-frosting-licking task, toddler will then hilariously attempt to touch other travellers with chocolate-frosting-covered hands. They will not be amused.
Smile as toddler begins walking around the gate showing his belly button to strangers. Note that toddler stinks to high heaven but discover that there is physically no way to take both him and all the luggage to the bathroom by yourself. Wonder what happened to spouse and how long he has been gone.
When spouse returns with information that indicates you will not actually be leaving the airport today or any time int he near future, decide to change toddler's diaper in the middle of a crowded gate area because, again, you have ceased to care. Best if toddler yells "PENIS PENIS PENIS" at top of lungs while having diaper changed.
Go home. This should take approximately 20 minutes now that flooding is over. Put toddler to bed. He will probably give you a smile that indicates this has been the BEST DAY EVER.
Labels: Travel
posted by Hana @ 9:25 AM
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