Fourth Street Flu Epidemic

About a week ago I started feeling not so great, napping a lot, feeling a bit foggy. This weekend it turned into a full blown summer cold, and always generous, I shared it with my entire family. Milo started sneezing Friday morning, and by Friday evening Steven was feeling feverish.

When Milo sneezes sometimes huge gobs of stuff come out and get his hands all sticky, and he starts to cry this really panicked, high-pitched cry like "Holy crap my nose just exploded all over my hand and I can't get it off!" I know it's wrong, but I find this hilarious. When Steven sneezes it's less amusing.

Then for good measure Steven twisted his ankle on Saturday morning while playing soccer. The soccer is part of a "let's do stuff out of the house" movement, where we both sat down and had a long talk about how we needed to watch less TV and do more activities that don't involve either each other or Milo. Steven found two such activities, and thus far I have none. I want to take tennis lessons but ... maybe not so much. I'm tired. It's a long way to the tennis center.

Then this morning Milo's nanny arrived and promptly sneezed her way through the front door. Milo seems to have gotten over his cold. So for those keeping score, the order of decrepitude is:
- Steven
- Me
- Nanny
- Milo

Milo seems to have the immune system of a rhinoceros. Or, Superman, is maybe a better analogy, since for all I know rhinos get lots of colds. But either way, all those people who said weaning him early from the breast would compromise his immune system can SUCK IT.

Late Summer Night's Dream

I guess we've gotten to that point in the summer where everyone is insane. I've been on several business calls lately where people have started screaming at each other, reaffirming my decision 8 years ago to work exclusively freelance in my pajamas because seriously, it's just not worth it. And then yesterday afternoon I took Milo to the 4th ring of hell known as the Tot Lot.

I don't know why I keep subjecting myself to the madness that ensues there, especially since he's getting a little old for the place. But somehow it feels like he's able to express himself better there with the younger kids. When he gets to the big playground with the older kids he tends to freeze up, rooted to the ground with what i know from experience is shyness, just staring at everyone and sizing them up. At the Tot Lot he actually runs around.

So anyway, we get to the Tot Lot and of course someone there has a doll stroller, so Milo waits and watches until the kid playing with the doll stroller has left -- you can see the wheels turning in his head, that he is thinking that kid is almost done with the stroller and then i will make my move and it will be mine all mine and then i will rule the world -- and then he runs over and says "Milo stroller now" and just stands there, like, he's so happy he has the stroller he's afraid to move or attract any attention lest someone comes over and tries to snatch it away.

And of course, about twelve seconds after Milo has gotten the stroller, some kid comes over and grabs it away from him. Milo looks at me and says, "Milo's stroller now?"

So I look at the kid's mother and she says to Milo, "Go grab it away from him. He took it from you, you go take it back."

Well, look lady, just because you've got an aggressive stroller-snatching child doesn't mean that I have one too. But I figure, well, let's see how this plays out.

Milo walks over to the kid who now has the stroller and says, "Stroller please." To which the kid, who as far as I can tell doesn't talk, rams the stroller into a park bench.

Milo looks at me again and, having had enough of the situation I say loudly, "That kid took the stroller from you even though it was your turn and he doesn't want to share it, and that was mean and wrong."

And guess what happened? The mother immediately took the stroller away from her kid and handed it back to Milo.

"Milo's stroller now," Milo said triumphantly.

Then after a little while we left the Tot Lot and went to the dog beach, which is a little fenced off area of a lake where dogs are allowed to play in the water. Shortly after we arrived a bunch of teenagers showed up with small dogs -- miniature something or others - and they began throwing their dogs into the lake. Like seriously, picking them up and heaving them into the water.

Everyone in the city is now officially nuts. I rest my case.

Rainbow Connection Hostage Crisis: Day 32

Day 1
Introduced Milo to The Muppet Movie. He took an instant loving to the song "Rainbow Connection," and started asking me to sing it to him at night. It's not an easy song to sing, but I obliged. Don't know all the words so I make some of them up.



Day 5
Draw Milo a picture of a rainbow on his chalkboard so he would understand what a rainbow was. Milo begins walking around saying "Rainbow Connection" at random moments during the day.


Day 8
Milo starts saying something that sounds like "summer days" over and over again.



Day 9
Determine that "summer days" is actually "some day we'll find it".



Day 14
Milo receives gift of guitar from his grandmother. Plays "Row, Row Row Your Boat" and "Twinkle Twinkle" on it repeatedly. Erroneously believe that Rainbow Connection crisis may have passed.


Day 16
Milo plays guitar while singing the entire first verse of The Rainbow Connection, begining with "Some day we'll find it/The Rainbow Connection" and up through "Da da da dee da da dee." Whip out video camera and make him do it again. Applaud. Marvel at how totally cute my child is.


Day 17
Milo still playing "The Rainbow Connection" on his guitar and singing along. Still cute.

Day 18
Milo still playing "The Rainbow Connection" on his guitar and singing along. Less cute.

Day 19
Milo still playing "The Rainbow Connection" on his guitar and singing along. Getting annoying.

Day 25

Suggested different songs one could play and sing along with. "You don't understand me!" Milo screamed. "No one can take this song away from me! NO ONE!"

Day 30

Woke up singing Rainbow Connection to myself.

Day 31

Am now hearing Rainbow Connection wherever I go. The subway, the office, out on the street - it plays always, always, always.

Day 32

Some day we'll find it

The Rainbow Connection

The lovers, the dreamers and MEEE

LADADADEEDADADEELADEEDADEEDEEDEEDADEEEEEE

Fun With Toddlers

Bored by the midsummer heat? Trapped inside with nothing to do? Here's a fun idea: spend a day at the airport! First, and this step is crucial, be sure to plan your trip to coincide with the worst flash flood in the history of your nearest major metropolitan area. Then get in the car and drive for five hours, preferably with a toddler who yells "More diggers!" for the bulk of the trip.

Three hours into your drive, pull over for coffee. Allow toddler to run around in the diner and do somersaults because you have ceased to care what the general public thinks. Smile as toddler dances and shimmies to "Oh What A Night."

Get back in car, arrive at airport two hours later. Entertain toddler by riding up and down the moving walkways. Best if when disembarking from moving walkway toddler consistently yells "Again!", whips around and attempts to get back on the moving walkway in the wrong direction.

Seven hours into your trip, have lunch on floor of airport. Call it a "picnic." Give toddler chocolate covered biscotti and tell him to lick off the frosting. This will entertain him for approximately 37 minutes, during which he will hilariously try to pronounce biscotti multiple times. Upon completion of the chocolate-frosting-licking task, toddler will then hilariously attempt to touch other travellers with chocolate-frosting-covered hands. They will not be amused.

Smile as toddler begins walking around the gate showing his belly button to strangers. Note that toddler stinks to high heaven but discover that there is physically no way to take both him and all the luggage to the bathroom by yourself. Wonder what happened to spouse and how long he has been gone.

When spouse returns with information that indicates you will not actually be leaving the airport today or any time int he near future, decide to change toddler's diaper in the middle of a crowded gate area because, again, you have ceased to care. Best if toddler yells "PENIS PENIS PENIS" at top of lungs while having diaper changed.

Go home. This should take approximately 20 minutes now that flooding is over. Put toddler to bed. He will probably give you a smile that indicates this has been the BEST DAY EVER.

Newsflash: Baby Einstein Evil

Most people I know let their infants watch Baby Einstein. Something about it always struck me as wrong, although I couldn't explain why, and most of my friends with kids are always like "Oh, whatever, it's fine, you're weird, blah, blah, blah...". In any event, turns out I'M RIGHT.

Housekeeping at Twenty One Months

Dear Milo,
The good news is that your separation anxiety ended abruptly a few weeks ago. Now when you see me head to the door in the morning you simply say, "Mama work," and then I have to prompt you to give me a hug goodbye because you are usually more interested in playing with your vacuum cleaner than dealing with the fact that I'm leaving. This has made life much easier for everyone involved, plus it's really nice on my part to be able to go to the bathroom by myself again.

The bad news is that you're more enjoyable to be around than ever before, which makes the leaving you part very hard on my end. The other day you were still awake when I came home at around 2PM, squawking awayin your crib, so I went in and picked you up. You chattered for a minute, then fixed me with a stare and said, "Mama," as though you were just noticing for the first time which human being had come in to get you. Then you beamed.

"Mama," you repeated, as though this was the most wonderful sound in the world, as though the fact that I had rematerialized from that mysterious "work" place in the middle of the day was almost more joy than you could bear. This was promptly followed by "Read a book. Sidewalk Ends."

You love poetry. Have I mentioned that? You do - it's the first thing I feel like I can really share with you and enjoy together. We giggle over Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout who would not take the garbage out, make funny noises during I'm Being Eaten By A Boa Constrictor, and you always do all the animal sounds when I read The Farmer And The Queen.

You also continue to love music. You like to dance, and when you go down for your nap sometimes you can spend over an hour in your crib singing. I Love You A Bushel and a Peck is still your hands-down favorite, although you've also been getting interested in the Woodie Guthrie kids' songs CD that your father bought, so sometimes you sing a few lines from Don't You Push Me or Let's Go Riding in the Car.

It is almost possible to have a conversation with you these days - we're getting close. Eating, on the other hand, has fallen by the wayside. You have pretty much no interest in meals unless someone is eating them with you, or they are being served at a restaurant, at which point you usually devour an entire adult-sized portion of food. Other than that, you take three or four bites of a meal and then declare yourself done. There are much more interesting things to do, buttons to push, floors to sweep, songs to sing. You cannot be bothered with something as trivial and mundane as sustinence.

And yes, the sweeping. The sweeping continutes. I had a dream last night that you picked up your little lime green nerf football and threw a perfect spiral. Apparently my subconscious is concerned that you are too much into cleaning and not enough into sports. My waking self is happy to let you be you, though.

I love you a bushel and a peck,
Mama

New Essay

My loss is your gain. Here's an unpublished/unsellable essay that I wrote about how my footwear changed when I had a baby.