Breaking News: New Schank Arrives

Hi Max! This is your Aunt speaking. I know you have a bunch of other aunts, so to clarify, I'm the one who eats pot brownies for breakfast. Oh wait, that's MY aunt. I'm the aunt who understands what it's like to go through life with a huge lower lip, as you will. (It's a plus, I promise.) I'm also the aunt who will buy you books and super hip Brooklyn clothing so you can make all your hyper-political preschool friends jealous.

The good news: you have an older cousin who can't wait to meet you. The bad news: there will be a long period of time where he will be bigger than you. The good news: you'll grow and the odds are on your side in terms of height.

As your Aunt I promise the following:
- I will let you run away to my house whenever you want
- I will bring a slice of New York cool to your life
- When you go through your rebellious phase and decide you love the Redskins because everyone else at school loves the Redskins and it's totally not fair that you have to root for the Giants, I promise to buy you a Redskins shirt.
- I will never say "Well tonight you'll eat peas!"
- I will always carry Tic Tacs

And in closing, a few notes about the Schank side of your family:
- We are a loud bunch. Sometimes we like to scream dramatically and then drop the whole thing five minutes later. Given that you are a baby you'll get the hang of that immediately.
- As your father noted, you might as well just start working on your dissertation now because the odds are strong that you will eventually write one. Either that or a book. No pressure.
- If you don't want to write a dissertation I strongly suggest working on your passing game, because that is the other option.
- While you may be super into milk right now, the odds are also strong that you will be eating venison and boiled ostrich eggs by age two.

We can't wait to meet you.

Love,
Aunt Hana, Uncle Steven and Cousin Milo

Stomping in Puddles on A Rainy Day

Milo Spits

I think you're not really a parent until you've been projectile vomited on at 2AM. Preferably by a toddler who then cries out in horror, "Aaaaaahhhh! You spit on Mama!". (Milo talks about himself in the second and third person, having not quite sorted out that whole confusing pronoun business.)

What you want to do in this circumstance, of course, is to scream back, "Omigod! Grrrrrrrrrooooooooosssssssssss!" , drop the toddler to the floor and then run headlong into the shower. Instead what you do is say that it's ok and explain that it's called throwing up, not spitting, and that everyone does it, even Oscar the cat. If all goes well you will then get to listen to dramatic re-enactments of throwing up for the next few days.

"Milo throwed up," these re-enactments will go. "Milo goed like this," followed by retching sounds. Oh, if only everything were as much fun as puking.

Pumpkins As Big As Your Head

Click through for more apple/pumpkin picking images.

Breaking News: Right Wing Crazy People Still Crazy

Raise your hand if you're surprised that Ann Coulter is an anti-Semite.

Fall Comes to Brooklyn