Video Evidence, Part 2

Also, the kid hates sea lions.

Video Evidence

In lieu of writing any actual sentences, I've uploaded some recent video proving that Milo:


1. Can Read When Bribed



2. Will Pretend That Anything Is A Train

Housekeeping at 26 Months

So here is the post I meant to include with this picture had I not been horribly ill from a sinus infection:
Truthfully I don't even know where to begin with this monthly update because every day you do something new and frequently hilarious. You've become very interested in pretending over the past few months, but it's really come to a head in recent weeks. For a while you just liked to pretend that an old Fresh Direct box was a train. Somehow that led to you pretending to be Jagoda, our cleaning lady. You would gather up all your mops and brooms and your feather duster and your vacuum cleaner and put them in a little tote bag and walk out the door of the playroom saying, "I'm Jagoda." To which I would usually reply "Okay, bye Jagoda," which always sends you into paroxysms of laughter.

Then you added Debbie to your list of people you like to pretend to be. Debbie is your music teacher, and in your pretend scenarios Debbie is always taking phone calls during music class. I've met Debbie and I find this incredibly hard to believe, but there you have it. You like to go through the whole music class, telling everyone it's guitar time, then singing "Time to put the drums away" while you put your drum away, and leading your assorted dolls and action figures in a round of "What's your name?" Somewhere in the middle of this Debbie's phone rings multiple times and Debbie stops music class to take a call.

And then sometimes you're Mama. You haven't quite figured out what to do as Mama other than to walk around and say "I'm Mama." Sometimes being Mama involves pretending to do the crossword or flipping through a catalog or reading a book. Sometimes being Mama involves lying down on the couch and saying "I'm exhausted." Sometimes it just involves sneezing.

But most importantly, this is the month when your father and I have finally come to terms with the fact that you are far more social than either one of us and that that's just how it's going to be. You like to talk to people and make friends. It's so weird. Maybe some day when you're older you can explain the appeal to us. A few weeks ago in the airport we saw some kids your age playing together. I saw you checking them out, so I suggested you take your toy airplane over to them and see if they wanted to share. I expected you to ignore my suggestion, or possibly look at me like I was out of my mind. What I did not expect you to do was to say "Okay" and walk over to the kids. Not only is this something I wouldn't have done under threat of torture at your age, it's not something I'm capable of doing NOW. Note I suggested YOU go over to the kids. I did not suggest MAMA go over to the kids. Then once we were on the airplane you made friends with the kid in the seat in front of you. You do this ALL THE TIME and truthfully it freaks me out a little but also I am in awe of your skills. You walk over and talk to adults in restaurants, people sitting next to us on the train, doctors, nurses, anyone who comes within range of your very loud speaking voice.

And what do you say, you might wonder? Let's see. You say things like "This kitchen is a mess," even if it's not. You like to tell people how things work even if you have no idea. "First you take this and then you take that and then you go like that." You repeat snippets of conversation: "It's just, I don't know, um, it's just," you said about 27 times in a row after listening to me on the phone. You express many, many, many wants. "Want to go beep beep boop boop at the bank. Want to sign checks. I need money. Want to buy this." And the other night on the phone you said, "I'll talk to you later Mama," and handed the phone to Dad.

And of course you still say "no" a lot. The parenting books say you're supposed to give two-year-olds choices, I guess to disguise the fact that they live in worlds where they have no choices at all. But you're too smart for that. "What shirt do you want to wear?" I'll say in the morning. "The green shirt or the blue shirt?" "No shirt," you always reply. "No clothes no no no." "Do you want fish sticks or a turkey burger for dinner," I'll ask. "No dinner," you say. Or sometimes: "Want tortellini." The parenting books don't say what to do about that.

Love,
Mama

Proof that the End of the World is Nigh

Here's a little snippet I received in my in-box today, about a recent book deal:

Peter Manus's FICKLE, told in the form of the main character's blog, the narrator tells her readers that she has witnessed an apparent suicide, setting in motion a chain of events that puts herself in danger, to Ken Siman at Virgin, by John Silbersack at Trident Media Group.

To reiterate, this is a book TOLD IN THE FORM OF A BLOG. I can't help but wonder, are they going to have a real live blog about the book that is in the form of a blog? And then will they write a book based on the blog about the blog-book?

I am now officially adding "blog" to my List Of Words That Help You Get A Book Deal. Other words on the list:
- Bitch
- Martini
- Nation (see: Fast Food Nation, Prozac Nation)
- Lipstick

January Rant

So you know how you rush around all December, going here and there and the month seems incredibly short because you've got parties to go to and holidays to celebrate and plus everyone pretty much quits working somewhere around the 12th because why bother since no one is around anyway, and then your flight gets delayed and your luggage gets lost and suddenly it's New Year's and you think you're just a little draggy from all that traveling and celebrating and talking but then all of a sudden it's January 3rd already and the realization hits you that you're not hung over you're sick with one of those annoying colds that will probably last until April and plus there are three more months of gray winter looming in front of you and you're not even sure you can make it until your February vacation? You know that feeling? That's where I am right now. In case you were wondering.

Also I am living with a two-year-old who wishes he were our Polish cleaning lady. Other than that everything is spectacular.