Breaking News: New Schank Arrives

Hi Max! This is your Aunt speaking. I know you have a bunch of other aunts, so to clarify, I'm the one who eats pot brownies for breakfast. Oh wait, that's MY aunt. I'm the aunt who understands what it's like to go through life with a huge lower lip, as you will. (It's a plus, I promise.) I'm also the aunt who will buy you books and super hip Brooklyn clothing so you can make all your hyper-political preschool friends jealous.

The good news: you have an older cousin who can't wait to meet you. The bad news: there will be a long period of time where he will be bigger than you. The good news: you'll grow and the odds are on your side in terms of height.

As your Aunt I promise the following:
- I will let you run away to my house whenever you want
- I will bring a slice of New York cool to your life
- When you go through your rebellious phase and decide you love the Redskins because everyone else at school loves the Redskins and it's totally not fair that you have to root for the Giants, I promise to buy you a Redskins shirt.
- I will never say "Well tonight you'll eat peas!"
- I will always carry Tic Tacs

And in closing, a few notes about the Schank side of your family:
- We are a loud bunch. Sometimes we like to scream dramatically and then drop the whole thing five minutes later. Given that you are a baby you'll get the hang of that immediately.
- As your father noted, you might as well just start working on your dissertation now because the odds are strong that you will eventually write one. Either that or a book. No pressure.
- If you don't want to write a dissertation I strongly suggest working on your passing game, because that is the other option.
- While you may be super into milk right now, the odds are also strong that you will be eating venison and boiled ostrich eggs by age two.

We can't wait to meet you.

Love,
Aunt Hana, Uncle Steven and Cousin Milo