Late Summer Night's Dream

I guess we've gotten to that point in the summer where everyone is insane. I've been on several business calls lately where people have started screaming at each other, reaffirming my decision 8 years ago to work exclusively freelance in my pajamas because seriously, it's just not worth it. And then yesterday afternoon I took Milo to the 4th ring of hell known as the Tot Lot.

I don't know why I keep subjecting myself to the madness that ensues there, especially since he's getting a little old for the place. But somehow it feels like he's able to express himself better there with the younger kids. When he gets to the big playground with the older kids he tends to freeze up, rooted to the ground with what i know from experience is shyness, just staring at everyone and sizing them up. At the Tot Lot he actually runs around.

So anyway, we get to the Tot Lot and of course someone there has a doll stroller, so Milo waits and watches until the kid playing with the doll stroller has left -- you can see the wheels turning in his head, that he is thinking that kid is almost done with the stroller and then i will make my move and it will be mine all mine and then i will rule the world -- and then he runs over and says "Milo stroller now" and just stands there, like, he's so happy he has the stroller he's afraid to move or attract any attention lest someone comes over and tries to snatch it away.

And of course, about twelve seconds after Milo has gotten the stroller, some kid comes over and grabs it away from him. Milo looks at me and says, "Milo's stroller now?"

So I look at the kid's mother and she says to Milo, "Go grab it away from him. He took it from you, you go take it back."

Well, look lady, just because you've got an aggressive stroller-snatching child doesn't mean that I have one too. But I figure, well, let's see how this plays out.

Milo walks over to the kid who now has the stroller and says, "Stroller please." To which the kid, who as far as I can tell doesn't talk, rams the stroller into a park bench.

Milo looks at me again and, having had enough of the situation I say loudly, "That kid took the stroller from you even though it was your turn and he doesn't want to share it, and that was mean and wrong."

And guess what happened? The mother immediately took the stroller away from her kid and handed it back to Milo.

"Milo's stroller now," Milo said triumphantly.

Then after a little while we left the Tot Lot and went to the dog beach, which is a little fenced off area of a lake where dogs are allowed to play in the water. Shortly after we arrived a bunch of teenagers showed up with small dogs -- miniature something or others - and they began throwing their dogs into the lake. Like seriously, picking them up and heaving them into the water.

Everyone in the city is now officially nuts. I rest my case.

Everyone at The Tot Lot is a Communist

Yesterday at the Tot Lot Milo became fixated on another little boy's push toy, which Milo insisted on refering to as "popping thing" because it looked a little like a popping lawnmower toy he'd been playing with last week at his grandfather's house. Milo was contentedly bogarting the toy; he'd pulled it over to a far corner of the Tot Lot, away from the grabby hands of the other kids, and glared at anyone who came near.

Eventually a bold, much younger little girl toddled over and started laying her paws all over the toy. And for the first time in his life Milo looked at her and yelled "No!" He tried to move the toy away from her, but she followed him.

"Milo," I said, against my will and ever fiber of my being. "It's not your toy, so you have to share."

About half an hour later Milo was playing with a little toy car near the slide. Another little girl crawled over to him, eying the car. Milo looked at me and started to cy.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

Whimpering, Milo said, "Share."

"You don't have to share the car," I said. "You just started playing with it. You just had to share the push toy because you'd been playing with it for a long time."

I sighed. I could barely make sense of the sharing rules, so how could I expect Milo to? I think the rule at the Tot Lot should be NO SHARING ALLOWED. Kids should be able to bring their toys and smack anyone who comes within a two foot radius. After all, you don't have to share in real life. It's not like I might be standing in line for a bagel when a perfect stranger approaches me and says it's now his turn to use my iPod. Imagine a world where this happened. Where there was no private property, and if you saw someone walking down the street wearing a sweater you liked you could just yell "My turn!" and grab the sweater. It would be chaos! Anarchy! Or Stalinist Russia. Take your pick.