Naked as the Day You Were Born

Milo: What is the baby in your belly wearing?

Me: She's naked.

Milo: (aghast) NAKED?

Me: Yes.

Milo: She's NAKED?

Me: Yes.

Milo: Why is she naked?

Me: Because everyone is naked when they're born. You were naked.

Milo: But now, when I wake up from a nap, I have clothes on.

Me: That's true. But when you were born you were naked.

Milo: (Peering into my belly button) Can I see her?

Me: (Thinking he probably just wants to check that she really is naked.) Not yet. You'll see her pretty soon, though. And then we'll put some clothes on her.

Milo: How is she going to get out?

Me: There's a way. I'll tell you when you're older.

Milo: Okay.

The Digestive System, As Explained to a Three Year Old

Milo: I drink the water and it goes into my belly, and then where does it go next?

Me: It gets sent to different parts of your body, and then you pee it out.

Milo: [stunned silence]

Me: Really.

Milo: You PEE IT OUT?

Me: Yes.

Milo: I want to go pee right now and see the water come out.

Me: Well it's just going to look like pee. It won't look like water.

Milo: You drink the water and then you pee it out.

Me: Yes.

Milo: And you pee out snack too.