Not Like You're Married To Someone Who Wrote A Book On Weddings Or Anything

"We didn't get an invitation to that wedding yet. Are you sure we're invited?"

"Of course we're invited."

"But isn't it in March? It's almost March. They would have sent the invitations already."

"I think it's in March. Doesn't everyone want a March wedding?"

"No. Everyone wants a June wedding."

"Oh. Then it's in June."

Fashion Choices for the Environmentally Idiotic

"Are you going to buy a coat?" Steven asked.

We'd been perusing some online coat options over the weekend.

"I don't know," I said. "I'm confused about what kind of coat I'll need if there's not going to be that much winter anymore."

"You mean because of global warming?"

"Yes."

"So that was your takeaway from An Inconvenient Truth."

We're on a six-month lag for movie watching and had finally gotten around to seeing the big Al Gore movie the night before.

"Yes. I want to know how global warming is going to affect my fashion decisions. I mean, there's no point in getting a heavy winter coat if it's not going to be that cold."

"Right," said Steven. "Just checking."

When the New Baby Smell Wears Off

"Hey, babe, can you come here and smell something?"

I could hear Steven turning the sink off in the kitchen and thinking over my request.

"No," he yelled back.

"Come on," I said. "Just smell your son for a second."

"Why?"

"He doesn't smell good."

I heard Steven shuffle down the hall. He stuck his head in Milo's room, where Milo was happily exploring his nether regions, stark naked, on the changing table.

"I took the diaper off," I explained. "And he still smells bad. Will you smell him?"

Steven rolled his eyes, then leaned into the table and inhaled. Yucky-ick noises quickly followed.

Milo giggled and began clapping his feet together.

"Is something wrong with him?" I asked.

"No," said Steven. "He just stinks. He needs a bath."

"I thought babies were supposed to smell good," I said. "How come we got a stinky baby?"